DISCLAIMER: At the end of reading this blog post, you may be under the impression that I’m a tie dye wearing, pot smoking, hippie freak. I would like to take this opportunity to say that I’m not. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I just feel the need to clarify that that isn’t me. And yet, here I am…
As I type this, I am in my mom’s guest room at her new house (well, new to me anyway). It’s the first time I’ve come to Atlanta and not been “going home” to a place I’d lived before. To say it’s a little weird is an understatement. Not only have I never lived in this house, but it’s been over six months since I’ve seen my mom, my sister, my dog, or any of the people I grew up with. It’s safe to say it’s the longest time I’ve spent without seeing any of them in my life.
All this time apart has made our reunions a bit different than past ones. This time around, I feel more like an outsider, and therefore more able to see people for who they really are. Granted, it may also be that moving to a country on the opposite side of the world has changed me a little bit, but I feel like I’m noticing things about my friends and family that I wouldn’t have noticed when I lived here. For example, so many people feed off of negative energy and pessimism. Not to say that I don’t get angry or have moments of pessimism, because I absolutely do. However some conversations I’ve had since I’ve been home have just made me uncomfortable because there wasn’t a shred of positivity or hope from the other side at all. My day to day conversations with people seem to be filled with hatred of other girls, hatred of themselves, or just hatred toward the world in general. It saddens me that people I love so much are filled with so many dark feelings.
Now as I said before, I’m not innocent of negativity, and I am in no way saying that I’m Mary Fucking Sunshine all the time, (or ever, for that matter). I know that I’m cynical, sarcastic, and jaded. To top it off, I even have an anxiety disorder, but part of dealing with that disorder is trying to change the way you think. I’ll never be a cheerleader or anything, but one thing I’ve decided from this trip is I’m going to work on cutting as much negativity out of my life as I can. I don’t want to surround myself with people that are constantly bringing other people down, because it just feeds my demons and makes me wonder what they say about me when I’m not around. That doesn’t mean I’ll be cutting people out of my life, I just won’t participate in those kinds of conversations as much as I can. I would rather focus on what I can do to improve my life and the lives of those around me than to constantly talk about how other people are ruining their own. It’s not that I think I’m “too good” for that or that I think any less of anyone else for doing it, I just can’t see what it accomplishes anymore. I don’t want to send any more negative energy out into the world than is already out there.
If, like me, you’re interested in becoming a more positive person and thereby becoming a happier and more positive citizen of the world, I strongly encourage you to look into positive affirmations and meditation. It doesn’t work for everyone, but for me it helps me to center my mind and to ground myself in what I believe in. Just google “positive affirmations” or “meditation” for more information. http://www.smilingminds.com is also a great resource!
Be considerate, show your love, praise others, and live happily.
