This isn’t something I’m particularly good at. Actually, I’m pretty terrible when it comes to letting go, whereas being stubborn and denying that anything is wrong with that is my area of expertise. It doesn’t matter if it’s a guy I’m interested in, a pair of shoes, or an argument, if I feel a sense of attachment towards the item or person in question, I will not get rid of them, even if they’re only dragging me down.
When I moved to Melbourne last December, I had visions of a clean start, a new life, a brand new me. And for the most part I got that, but what I’ve realized since my recent visit to Atlanta is that I was never really all here. I still had half of my “being” in Atlanta, and my life revolved around the fact that I was going home to visit everyone from my life there 6 months after I left. Therefore, nothing was really changing.
Now, almost 9 months after I moved here, I realize I don’t have much tying me to my new life here outside of school. Yes, I’ve made friends, and yes, my dad+his side of the family lives here, but I did just leave all of my lifelong friends and my mother back in Atlanta, and I’ve never lived anywhere near any family but my parents. Not that I want to keep leaving people, but I guess what I mean is I’m used to having long distance relationships with pretty much all of the important people in my life.
So what is it that I want to add to my life to make myself more present here? I’m not exactly sure, but letting go of my life in Atlanta feels like a step in the right direction. I finally put an end to my limbo relationship (that wasn’t really ever a relationship outside of talking to each other day in and day out for almost a year because we were very rarely in the same region of the same country) with a guy back home, and I don’t have a return date in mind for the foreseeable future. If anything can force me to be present in my life here, it’s the knowledge that I no longer have one anywhere else, right?
To me, the hardest part of letting go of Atlanta was knowing that doing so in no way means that I love or value my relationships with people there any less. In fact, I value my relationships with (some) people there more than ever, because being away from them for so long showed me how important they are in my life, and how strong our relationships truly are. Sometimes growing up doesn’t mean growing apart after all.
Please forgive my rambling tonight folks, it’s been a long weekend! I hope you all have wonderful weeks.
